Mind the gap: The very amusing English thread

[Bananenbieger]

now i´m al real men

You pluralize yourself? Are you really that fat?

 

[RedCloud]

You pluralize yourself? Are you really that fat?

We, emperor William II.

 

[eki]

(...)

Edit: www.leo.org is garbage!

Why? I didn´t find a better "translation-machine" than leo.
Can you disabuse me?

BTW: Yeha, i love to speak english, cause i have to improve it

 

[Maluku]

I really considered helping some people by correcting their mistakes (eventhough I may not be a native speaker), but now that you've offended me by calling me stupid in advance, I probably won't do it (at least not with whatever you say) and I guess nobody else will, since nobody likes to call oneself stupid.

Hey, I said lonely, bored or stupid which is disjunctive. Well, what I really meant is:
(lonely) or (stupid) or (bored) or (pendantic) or (grammar na**)
Which means you can be any of that or a combination thereof. (That's why I didn't say and)

In any case, the whole post was meant to be digested (mentally) with a slight hint of irony, like this one.

If you ever think I would offend someone its either ironic, meant to be funny or phrased badly.

Hint: If you're not smiling while reading this, you're reading it wrong. (At least in this thread)

 

[alex_neo]

If you ever think I would offend someone its either ironic, meant to be funny or phrased badly.

Ok, I'll try to remember that

 

[Svenrique]

Bonjour à tous, comment-alles vous?

 

[Bananenbieger]

I think we need a separate "Non! Si! Oh! Nous parlons français"* Thread.


* Sadly, just found a German Video with "Non! Si! Oh!"
[yt]4zUZwih19R0[/yt]

 

[MrNase]

My humble contribution to today's discussion: Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite.

 

[Maluku]

don't let the bedbugs bite.

Oh my god, what are bedbugs? Are they real? How big are they? Do they carry infectious diseases? Can they get up the the fifth floor? Are they resistant to Napalm?

I'm so scared, I'm not going to bed ever again.

 

[hades]

Oh my god, what are bedbugs? Are they real? How big are they? Do they carry infectious diseases? Can they get up the the fifth floor? Are they resistant to Napalm?

I'm so scared, I'm not going to bed ever again.

I strongly recommend you to go to bed! The outcome of staying awak for a unhealthily long period of time can be read on pg. 16 or 17.

So:

I'm not going to bed ever again.

Been there. Didn't like it.

Furthermore, try getting rid of those impertinent bedbugs by washing your bedsheets on a regular basis, that should do the trick.

 

[felixdacat]

Good morning everybody!

What a wonderful day, isn't it?

 

[hades]

Oh yes, indeed.

Some very british jokes for the perfect morning mood:

Railway Porter (cheerfully) - Missed the train, sir?
Passenger - No, I didn't like the look of it, so I chased it out of the station.

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BAS**RD!!!!"

 

[Smooky]

It means nothing, because it's non-grammatical. Do you mean "You are through the looking glass?" This could relate to "Alice through the looking glass", a story in which Alice meanders through a mirror into a wonderland

I suppose it means that you're standard world view has been shattered and now you feel like being in some kind of wonderland.

EDIT: Turns out, I'm right Some dude on the internet visited a con: "Anime conventions are full of weird and stupid stuff that never gets reported, so you're through the looking glass now, people."

Absolutly right The sentence ist a part of a dialog out of the short movie "The dektive story", which is a part of "Animatrix".

 

[hades]

I will just keep posting jokes until I run out of websites to steal them from.

Here we go:

Teacher: Where was Magna Carta signed?
Pupil: At the bottom.

Boy: Sir, I'd like your daughter for my wife.
Father: Can't she get one of her own?

Three tourists were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter one asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?" The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiiiing."

Ha, found an american one:

A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.
Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.
The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?"
The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said--"Well yeah, if that's what they are--I never heard of circle flies."

So the farmer says--"Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."

The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket.
Then after a minute he stops and says, "Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horses ass?"

The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horses ass."
The trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.

After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though."

 

[Moorcock]

OK, since this thread mutates into a fun thread, here something for Monday morning and to have good start for the week:

The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need, a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see, size 44 long."
Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck."
Joe was surprised, that's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years."
Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure."
The salesman said, "Let's see... Size 36." Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you; I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second Opinion- PRICELESS

All the best
Moorcock

 

[jens.heinz]

Ein Geistlicher und ein australischer Schafhirte treten bei einem Quiz
gegeneinander an. Nach Ablauf der regulären Fragerunde steht es
unentschieden, und der Moderator der Sendung stellt die Stichfrage, die da
lautet: Schaffen Sie es, innerhalb von 5 Minuten einen Vers auf das Wort
"Timbuktu" zu reimen?

Die beiden Kandidaten ziehen sich zurück.

Nach 5 Minuten tritt der Geistliche vor das Publikum und stellt sein Werk
vor:

"I was a father all my life,
I had no children, ;had no wife,
I read the bible through and through
on my way to Timbuktu..."

Das Publikum ist begeistert und wähnt den Kirchenmann bereits als den
sicheren Sieger.

Doch da tritt der australische Schafhirte vor und dichtet:

"When Tim and I to Brisbane went,
we met three ladies cheap to rent.
They were three and we where two,
so I booked one an Tim booked two..."

 

[leonaddi]

Good morning everybody, I really like this thread and from now on you will also have to read my posts

 

[Bananenbieger]

you will also have to read my posts

And this is good or bad?

 

[leonaddi]

I don't know, it depends on how the community will think about it

But I will do my very best to be a classy poster

 

[Bananenbieger]

No worries Even I post here and that lowers the standards.